When I first came here, I didn’t have any money of my own and I had to borrow some to arrange my documents, buy a plane ticket, and get through the first month until I got my first salary. So I wasn’t able to leave because I wanted to give that money back sooner rather than later. I also didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would leave this place only to escape somewhere else without checking it out properly first. I wanted to have enough money to travel for a bit and see which places would be suitable for me to make a life there, and then decide where to settle and look for a new job.
Nevertheless, I kept telling myself that things would get better and that I had to fight and push through instead of giving up and looking for a new place. But the matter of fact is, even after all these months, my initial intuitive feeling about this city hasn’t changed. That is not to say that something’s very wrong with this city – some other expats I know enjoy their life here! It just isn’t for me. I knew that as soon as I set foot here in the first place.
In the future, I need to trust my intuition more, this feeling in my gut that has never really misled me about what is right and what is wrong for me personally, but for some reason I’ve been disregarding it as less relevant. If I feel that something doesn’t fit well enough – a shoe, a dress, a house, a city, a guy, or anything really – then it probably really doesn’t damn fit! And I need to learn how to let go and walk away from those things that do not serve my happiness. Especially because I am lucky enough to have a rare privilege that many people do not have – the privilege of a choice.
I intend to make use of that precious gift.
And so I packed my things once again and left to travel, to find the things that do serve my happiness.